Neurodiverse Leader: Working Differently series: Networking

I've known I'm neurodiverse since my early teens, and I've spent years adapting to environments that don't always align with how I think and work.

Masking isn't occasional - it's constant.

None of this has stopped me from being effective. If anything, it has made me more aware of how I work and more deliberate about how I approach different situations. I understand that much better now, although I'm still learning what works best.

Neurodiverse Leader: Working Differently is a series based on real situations I encounter in my day-to-day role - presenting, networking, meetings and decision-making. You can read the first installment on using AI in writing here. 

It explores where conventional ways of working don't always fit, what that feels like in practice, and the adaptations I've developed to work effectively.

This isn't about theory or awareness. It's about how the job actually gets done - just in a different way.

Others may recognise similar experiences, or approach them differently. This is simply how I've learned to navigate them.

I'm good with people. I'm naturally gregarious, I enjoy conversation and I build relationships easily.

Networking events, however, are different.

Walking into a large room full of people, multiple conversations and constant movement can feel overwhelming almost immediately. There's noise, there's energy, and there's no obvious place to start.

My instinct is to scan the room for someone I know. If I don't see a familiar face, I often hesitate. It's very easy to default to standing at the edge of the room or looking at my phone, simply to create a moment of distance.

People don't expect that. From the outside, I'm seen as confident and comfortable in these environments. In reality, I'm a shy extrovert. Once I'm in a conversation, I'm completely at ease. It's getting into one that's the hardest part.

What's not visible

Most networking advice assumes you should "work the room" - move between conversations, meet as many people as possible and stay constantly engaged.

The reality is that most people find networking uncomfortable, whether they're neurodiverse or not.

For me, there's an additional layer. The combination of noise, movement and unstructured interaction makes the starting point much harder. There's no natural anchor, and that's where the friction lies.

Once I'm in a conversation, that feeling disappears. Getting there, though, takes real effort.

What happens when I follow the expected approach

When I try to network in the "standard" way, it becomes harder rather than easier.

Moving quickly between conversations increases the sense of overload. Joining groups mid-conversation takes more effort, while trying to stay constantly "on" quickly becomes draining.

I also notice a tendency to anchor myself to one person because that's where I feel most comfortable. But that doesn't align with how networking events are usually structured, creating a constant tension between what feels natural and what feels expected.

By the end of it, I'm often exhausted - not just by the conversations themselves, but by the continual switching and the mental effort of managing the environment.

What I do instead

What works better for me is introducing structure into something that is otherwise unstructured.

Before I enter the room, I set myself a very specific challenge. For example, I might decide I need to speak to a certain number of people, sometimes with simple criteria attached.

That gives me a clear starting point. Instead of scanning the room and hesitating, I have something concrete to focus on.

It pushes me slightly outside my comfort zone, but in a controlled way. More importantly, it removes the need to make decisions in the moment, which is often where I get stuck.

Once I've had those first few conversations, everything becomes easier. I warm up, settle into the environment and begin to enjoy it.

By the end of the event, I've usually had a small number of genuinely meaningful conversations - and that's what matters most.

How to work out what works for you

This isn't just about neurodiversity. Most people don't naturally enjoy networking, and everyone responds to these environments differently.

A few questions that can help are:

• When have I had good conversations at an event, and what made them easier?

• Which part of networking do I actually find difficult - starting conversations, moving between them, or simply the volume of people?

• Do I prefer depth or breadth in conversations?

• What would give me a clear starting point when I enter the room?

The aim isn't to follow a standard model of networking. It's to find an approach that allows you to participate effectively without working against yourself.

What this means for leadership

Networking is often framed as a visibility exercise - how many people you meet, how confidently you move around the room and how comfortable you appear.

But visibility doesn't necessarily equate to effectiveness.

In practice, the real value comes from the quality of the conversations you have and the relationships you build over time.

For me, being effective in these environments isn't about working the room in the traditional sense. It's about finding a way into the room that allows me to show up properly once I'm there.

Leadership, in that context, isn't about performing confidence in a predefined format. It's about understanding how you engage most effectively and creating the conditions that allow that to happen.

The shift

I used to think I needed to get better at networking. Now I think the more useful question is how I can enter the room in a way that works for me.

Once I'm in, the rest follows.